Sakura-Meru

I suppose it isn't too late for me to upload some deviations? Hmm. We'll see if I can poke around my hard drives on Sunday.
Hmm. To eat soup I must make some, yes? I shall go do so.
And I don't have enough money to buy people Christmas gifts properly! Aargh!

1. tag 10 ppl (not the one who sent it to you!)
2. answer all truthfully
3. take it in public!
4. tell all tagges on their profile that they have been tagged,
and link to your journal.

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Info
[x] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes. (I'm a seventeen-year-old girl. What the hell do you expect?)
[ ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color. (I wants purple+orange bangs+green ponytail. yES. Also I wish it was flat, not all wavy like it is.)
[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. (Online people haven't seen me.)
[ ] I have a tattoo. (No...but, maybe someday.)
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free (Not unless I could become a Special.)
[ ] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger. (Thankfully; I'd be humiliated.)
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles. (Maybe.)

Family/Home Life
[x] I've sworn at my parents. (I haven't called her any swears, really.)
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old. (I'd rather die.)
[ ] I want to have kids someday. (See above.)
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[X] I'm in school
[ ] I have a job
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school. (Almost every day.)
[ ] I almost always do my homework. (Given above, what do you think?)
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years
[x] I failed more than 1 class last year (3; was able to make up 2.)
[ ] I've stolen something from my job
[ ] I've been fired

Embarrassment
[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[x] I was born with a disease/impairment. (I live on Earth.)
[ ] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor's office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox. (Was like 2yo don't remember.)
[ ] I've had measles

Traveling
[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city. (Well, town.)
[ ] I've seen a shooting star.
[ ] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ ] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts. (Thought about it a lot; not like it's a very important place, anyway. ^.^)
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[ ] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[ ] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night. (WANT.)
[ ] I've played chicken. (i think)
[ ] I've played a prank on someone.
[ ] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. (Nothing will ever be the same.)
[x] I've eaten sushi. (I miss it; had some once, but now, my mom won't let me eat it.)
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[x] I'm single. (I want to be a) androgynous for the confusion or b) undifferentiated for the confusion. ~3-4 years ago I decided I don't want sex to be in my life so there.)
[ ] I'm in a relationship. (That was last year. This is this year.)
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[ ] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] I am a cuddler.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger. (In what way are hugs sexual?)
[ ] I have kissed a stranger (Might not say no though.)

Honesty/Crime
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am. (Slightly.)
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world. (Many; not all mine.)
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light. (Don't know how to drive.)
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[ ] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem (Not that hard. Depends on the size.)
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed. (At times; or rather, I really, really want to.)
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose. (Hitting my head against the wall, or hitting things I knew had more HP than me.)
[x] I've woken up crying.

Death and Suicide
[x] I'm afraid of dying. (It's instinctual; more exactly, I don't want to stop.)
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs. (Only one or two Eminem.)
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player. (27gb Zune and a 2gb SanDisk with no right output.)
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga. (At times; not now, though.)
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece. (HATE.)
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic. (No $.)
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[x] I collect comic books. (Anything Sonic the Hedgehog related. Only got like 5% of them so far. x.x)
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay. (Well, they're mom's; Pokémon cards.)
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Random
[ ] I can sing well. (ROFL.)
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily. (Sometimes.)
[x] I watch the news. (Sometimes.)
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme. (I prefer songs that sacrifice rhyming for the sake of meaning.)
[x] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower. (If mom's sleeping.)
[ ] I am a morning person. (I am NEVER, must emphasize this, NEVER not sleepy.)
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair. (Nom!)
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat. (I'm Discordian sometimes.)
[ ] I love Spam
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[ ] I bake well.
[ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue (Changes.)
[ ] I've worn pajamas to school. (I wish.)
[ ] I like Martha Stewart. (Snob.)
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun. (Creepy things, those, because I don't have a damn idea how they work.)
[ ] I am in love with love.
[x] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. (naCHOz!)
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly. (ICK.)
[ ] I believe in ghosts. (Sometimes...would like evidence. It conflicts with my lack of an afterlife. Perhaps they are resonances from other universes; I like the multiverse theory. Keep in mind that I'd considered before I saw the season 2 finale of Doctor Who.)
[x] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. (I do it all the time.)
[x] I am really ticklish. (CRUSH KILL DESTROY.)
[x] I love white chocolate (yES!)
[x] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[ ] I'm good at remembering faces.
[x] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. (Well, I do, I just don't like myself enough to think I can.)

[x] All of those are answered honestly~

And now I'm supposed to tag ppl...but I don't know who. If you're thoughtful enough to read this, consider yourself tagged.

-- YAMI SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH UNTIL I GIVE YOU SU3 MONDAY --

Today I asked my mom if we could go get some orange juice but Stop & Shop sucks so I ended up with Cartoon Network Block Party #56 (which was better than the last few) and Sonic Universe #3 (Omega! Ohnoes! You shall be missed! Also how do you press a scarf? And can't wait to see 200's battle goodness). $5 of excellence.

-- END OF SKIPPAGE --

I have a new blog, which is mousemuffins.blogspot.com and I hope will work out well. My mom's interested in it; I'll be starting up a webcomic and a podcast there, and apparently she's interested in my dA too. If anyone has suggestions for the webcomic and podcast, please comment; but no, I'm not expecting anyone to as I haven't even been told what version of Nergal Jr. was better. (I shall assume digitally inked, in case you wondered.) So yup, just been reading The Stand (which is surprisingly excellent and kicks the tv series' ass quite soundly) in celebration of my lack of H1N1.
Sadly all good things must end, and wonderfully they must begin as well. So yesterday I scrubbed up my wall of washable crayon (after taking a good high-res photo which I may submit later) which means I'll be able to add to it. Two days ago I got a turbo-shot in my coffee and didn't sleep the whole night, which is why I wasn't in school yesterday. Oddly I felt better after a bit of sleep that day than I do after a lot of sleep today. Currently I'm drinking a regular iced coffee and trying to summon the energy to clean my mom's room. Also we just watched the Preakness, which was mildly entertaining but I don't understand why other girls like horses so much. Seriously. I want an answer. What's so special about them? Maybe it's like if a boy tried to figure out why Hugh Laurie is so awesome. Or maybe not. That one's obvious.
Anyway, I'm thinking I may make a separate email account for the comic/'cast and just link it to my GMail. Or is that silly? I dunno yet.
And does anyone have decent advice for getting a job when you only have feet and nerves and not much else? I very much don't want a job, very much, but I'm damn sick of seeing things I want or need and being unable to get them by myself or at all. And no offense to Xac or K8 or other people I know, but I really don't want to work at a fast food place. Really. It just doesn't seem worth it. But I don't know what else I could possibly do without my license (which I can't get until I'm 18 because I can't pay for driver's ed and I don't know how to drive anyway).
Um, wow. Why do I always end up talking about depressing shit? Huh...
My computer now has Damn Small Linux alongside Linux Mint and a non-functional XP install. Unfortunately DSL didn't do a great job with GRUB and so I had to (redundantly) burn another Mint CD to get them all straight. So that's that - I can't experiment with Linux anymore until I get more CDs. And interestingly, according to DSL, my CPU usage is almost always 100% whereas RAM usage is ~7-8% normally. So I wonder what that means in English.
I should get cleaning (although I don't want to) but hopefully there'll be more from me soon, and PLEASE give me whatever suggestion you have.
(In other news my favorite podcasts are LogicallyCritical and VGDJ which have been dead for a while but are still excellent, and my favorite webcomic is 8-bit Theater, which has long since replaced VGCats since Scott Ramsoomair is a lazy bastard. I also enjoy reading Looking For Group and Least I Could Do.)
What did that have to do with anything?
What didn't it?
If you want to know what's on my mind, it's this stuff and Dashboard by Modest Mouse. Good stuff, man. And Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Öyster Cult. Also good stuff.
I CANNOT WAIT for the next episode of 8-bit Theater. It's getting really f'ing epic. Seriously. I can't wait, but the looming end is a bit saddening. And I'm not one of the folks who've read it since the start. I read them all and was caught up on the day Episode 1056: Mix-N-Match was. (As of two days ago the newest episode is Episode 1128: Guns Blazing, and there should be a new one today except that Brian Clevinger cares about his parents. Aargh, says I. Got to wait until Tuesday.)
I could keep typing but oh well, just wanted to prove I'm still alive.

Moog Numbah 6 Zuning out.

An update on my to-do list:
- Finish my restaurant project for Graphic Arts before vacation (due date extended until next Tuesday so not done yet)
- Finish my Earth Day project by April 20th (forgot until 11pm before and didn't get done even late)
- Finish my Java homework by I-don't-know-when (I have til Monday for this)
- Sort through the music on my Zune; I need more space, and then I can delete music from my computer which is critical because then I have more space for artwork (my mom took my Zune and I haven't been able to sort music that's on my compy because Xubuntu 8.10 comes with absolutely no out-of-the-box-functional multimedia programs)
- Watch My Neighbor Totoro and finish Samurai Jack (see above)
So there you have it. My failure continues. Next up:
- Finish research paper by Monday
- Finish Java chapter 8 by Monday (so I'm caught up)
- Clean my room by SOMEtime
- Install Linux Mint
- Figure out WINE and make it work
- Install Zune on mom's compy
- Get a decent converter; TVC is too goddamnedly slow
- Convert/watch Ed, Edd, & Eddy
- Convert B&M and ECC (going to time them nicely this time instead of just converting the whole thing)
The Monday before vacation started I wrote myself out a whole schedule of things to get done each day. What has happened is I've watched quite a lot of television with my mom and slept twelve hours each day. This is really going to suck when I take the SATs Saturday because I don't know cursive, can't write essays (see above), and will be lucky if I wake up plus get my mom functional in time.
In other news I sorted my crayons (got a box of 120 Crayola) but haven't refined the sorting of them. And it's tougher than I recall. They just don't go in a rainbow like they used to. Now there's outer space which is so dark a blue it's nearly black, and doesn't fit in with the other blues (or grays). There's quite a few neon colors, and pale colors that don't fit well either. Then you've got the ones that are pink/purple/red that I don't know where to place either. Also the brown/orange/yellows are confusing.
Enough of that. I also have no idea how to work towards my long-term goal of becoming a decent enough artist to be accepted by a college by the end of the year (which is when I'll be a senior and have to start applying). I need a lot of talent really quickly because I have no money and a shitty GPA, and therefore a very slim chance of getting into any college.
In other news, someone give me the courage to apply for a job and actually bug them about it. I just don't have the nerve. I don't want a job. I don't. I don't know if it's laziness or because I have a near-terror of screwing up or because I didn't grow up with a working parent and therefore don't have any idea of how jobs work or some other more/less plausible reason but I don't have the courage to call any of the places I've applied to. I don't know what to say.
And enough of that. My mom's been watching Repo! The Genetic Opera on DVD WAAYYY too much lately. Her average is 1-4 times a day. It's damn annoying, much as I love Repo! Also this vacation I've seen Back To The Future four times (she keeps falling asleep partway through) and several episodes of The Late Late Show (I love that guy) and several episodes of Scrubs and two episodes of House. I haven't eaten any fruit this vacation (or vegetables either) and don't ask me about my stomach. You don't want to know.
In other news...I don't know. Long term goals are to be a kickass artist and get some decent equipment to do it with. Short term goals are to pass my current classes and avoid my mom when she's drunk. Yeah. I said it. It's late enough at night that I don't fucking care. She gets so clingy or angry or sad. It's tough to describe how much time this takes up. Unfortunately we're in a place where there's really no treatment for this around, except for AA which my mom went and said they're all snobs. Maybe when I get my license I can tranq her and cart her off someplace.
Nah.
Anyway yup, see what happens when I have no one to talk to for more than two hours? I say things I'm not supposed to. (Nobody say anything at all to my mom; she's not supposed to know when I tell people things.) And at this point it doesn't matter because I'm seventeen. What's the state gonna do now? Useless pricks. In 8th grade we were plagued by a social worker (incidentally Yoo-Hoo despised her) and she was a bitch. She was everything my mom said they were. The person who called was my Big Sister so I don't believe in that organization anymore. (Sucks too, we baked cookies for Christmas and went to Panera Bread and some other fun things.)
I could also go into ways my mom's embarrassed me with her habit but I won't. I don't have the courage for that quite yet. (Funny, isn't it, that I can talk about my mom now but don't have the courage to really try for a job.) Actually it's not really courage because no one's going to read this all the way through except for a very few people who will probably then forget it.
And while I'm being stupid I'd like to mention when I was little and we went to AA in Manchester, where we met some of the coolest, kindest, craziest people you can imagine, and they liked me and gave me cookies from the church kitchen and I got to keep the shiny coins my mom got at intervals. The point is that I miss the hugs and cookies and shiny coins.
I should really stop now.
God damn if that didn't get derailed.
So like I was saying about crayons, they just aren't as easy to sort out anymore. They don't fall into place like they did back when there were only 72. It's kind of saddening.
I got the next Cartoon Network Action Pack and Sonic the Hedgehog comics but I haven't read them yet because my mom took them and I haven't bothered to ask for them back yet because I don't want to clean for them and I'll get them back Monday anyway, to give Sonic to teknichaos.deviantart.com and let my friends read CN.
We went to Sal's today and got a large mushroom pizza (and my mom got a small with tomato and garlic; blech) and my mom asked the guy if anyone else gets mushroom pizzas and he said no, I'm just about the only person. This made me feel special, somehow.
This is why I should kept away from computers after ten.
Well I've rambled enough now, just felt like I should update. I'm sure I forgot something but as we all know this is a constant, not an oddity.
So that's that.
Chickens.

Well. Aside from Tankooni.deviantart.com, no one commented on my stuff, or gave me any feedback on which version of Junior was best, or really any feedback at all. Hello? People?
Anyway I looked at my deviations this morning and I was surprised, my Junior outline was really good. Pretty encouraging thar. (That's not a typo.)
Watched the two episodes of tGAoB&M that didn't convert originally; The Greatest Love Story Ever Told Ever was awesome, seriously. I'm sorry I missed it. But it's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that tGAoB&M is completely finished. Very weird. That show inspired me quite a bit.
I think my essay topic will be about why I disagree with vegetarianism; it's a debate, and I hate vegetarianism. It seems very denial-of-evolution to me. And the whole idea of killing-is-bad hurts my brain because you still kill the plants. o.O
Anyway, I hope cerasusmaga.deviantart.com doesn't get offended by this...
Love how you can't see dA emotes in here, stupid sonic wall.
Why does this library smell like perfume? Ick. Like old flowery wallpaper, is what perfume makes me think of.
Not sure where I'm going with this...surprisingly I'm actually getting some research done. I think I'll take minno150.deviantart.com's tack and post a to-do list on my journal so people can pester me about it.
Well, I need to:
- Finish my restaurant project for Graphic Arts before vacation
- Finish my Earth Day project by April 20th
- Finish my Java homework by I-don't-know-when
- Sort through the music on my Zune; I need more space, and then I can delete music from my computer which is critical because then I have more space for artwork
- Watch My Neighbor Totoro and finish Samurai Jack
I probably have a more extensive to-do list than this but that's what I remember atm, and it's important stuff anyway.
This is fascinating to me: www.tweenbots.com/ Wonder what would happen if we did this in our town? I dunno.
Need to make some cubees...also my thirsty bird isn't working well for some reason. The first I played with it, it was fine, but now it's unhappy.
I guess I'll edit this after school...I don't want to but I should do more research. Apparently I'm supposed to have ~15 notecards by now and I only just picked a topic. Sob.
And that's another thing: While I'm worried about paying for college and what the hell I'm going to do with my life, I can't seem to make myself care about school much. While I'm here I'm worried about my homework, but at home there's watching tv with my mom and playing with Photoshop and sleeping. I'm not unconcerned, but at home school doesn't seem to exist. Getting really worried about college though...at the end of last semester my GPA was 1.818. What college would take that? I don't know. And then I feel bad and try to avoid thinking of school altogether.
Pretty depressing, so I'll continue the cycle by not thinking about it.
Today I was thinking about changing my signature but I dunno, it's quite appropriate to me. Maybe I will someday but for now...smile, because tomorrow will be worse.